We all know that relationships can either be super complicated or super easy. What if I told you that it’s mostly because of the way we are? Yup, you read that right. The thing with relationships are, we learn from our parents and we learn from those who raise us. Now the secret is, they actually don’t have a handbook on relationships and make use of what’s been passed down from one generation to another.
Now this takes place 2 ways.
- As small kids, our minds are completely open and we like a sponge suck up everything we see around us. We have no filter, and our brain basically works just like a pattern matrix, it matches patterns together. I.e this kind of even = that kind out outcome which means I should react that way. — Make sense?
- Ever hear of Ancestral Memory? — Nope I’m not talking about some mystical whoowhoo stuff. I’m actually talking science here, our ancestors where kept alive thanks to certain traits and actions — that information get’s send through the DNA to one generation to the next. Some people played possum or stuck their heads in the sand(dissociated). Other would hide (flight) and others would fight (fight mode). So depending on where we fit in, that is how we will handle and see thing around us. Anais Nin puts it in perspective. “We don’t see the world the way it is, we see it the way WE ARE”.
So think about it this way, you woke up in a fowl mood and everything in that day just goes wrong. Your phone get’s cut off, the lady at checkout drops the expensive cake you had just bought from a different shop. Every single person drives like a maniac and nearly drives into you. Now the only reason why this is happening is because your neural-pathways are now set up to respond and look for the negative things that really makes you *&()$($ -ing pissed off.
Now wake up in a good mood and most of the stuff mentioned before happens, you’re less likely to take it up so personally and get so angry you just want to scream and shout and throw a full on tantrum.
All of that counts for us in our relationships as well. We are pre-conditioned to look for certain patterns to react to, like we had seen our parents do and like they had seen their parents do and react.
Unfortunately many of those patterns can really eat away at your relationship. It can do some serious harm, now let’s add the well meaning friends and family that also place all their baggage even further onto your relationship — which once again creates another template and wakes up your neural-pathways to become alert of all the negative things, and you have a recipe for disaster. Don’t despair, there are ways to help you with things like that.
First of all I recommend getting proper help if it’s getting really bad and also stop listening to well meaning people. Most times they take up your pain personally and because of their own past hurts and pains — their stuff will be reflected on you. That will only aggravate the situation. Our brains are set to search out for stuff like this. Of course there are times when you should be looking at getting out of a relationship, a couple of examples is when your partner is a narcissist and when there is any abuse of any kind in your relationship.
But that I’m not discussing right now. I will cover narcissism and abuse at a later stage with you. For now we’re talking about your relationships in general and for those who actually do have the potential to have good relationships. MKAY? Got it? Good.
So on we march to a few tips on strengthening your Relationship. Let’s face it, good relationships are so precious — why allow some BS to muck it all up? If you have a good relationship — spend time building it and nurturing it like you would a baby. It is well worth the time and love and respect. If you don’t know how…then find out how. Go for help and get over your own baggage. It is one of the biggest investments you will make in your life when you invest in yourself to resolve your issues as it will spill over in all areas of your life. It will enrich you on every level. I can give you that promise today.
It’s gotta do with the brain man!
On to the good stuff…follow me folks…right this way!
Tips to Strengthen Your Relationships
Relationships are valuable, but they aren’t always easy. It’s important to learn how to build strong and healthy relationships. There are a lot of different ways to strengthen a relationship.
Whether the relationship you’re working on is romantic or platonic, you can do a lot of good by focusing on some common principles. Even if your relationship seems strong and healthy, you can still bolster it and move it forward.
Strengthen Your Relationships Mentally
The way you interact with people really matters. If you want to strengthen your relationships on a mental level, consider how you’re treating the other person in the relationship. Remember, treat that person the way you want to be treated. If you’re unable to…get help. There may be some nasty little thing running in your mind that needs to be eradicated, many times it’s to do with self worth and boy can that really mess up your life.
To make your relationship stronger, consider:
- Honesty is still the best policy, but remember that words can hurt. Be gentle.
- Really listen when someone is talking. Be fully engaged in the conversation. In fact when they talk to you, place your feet and body facing them — uncross your arms and legs and look them in the face. Having a open and inviting posture will help with a more open conversation. Remember that we have Micro Expressions and Micro Movements, they don’t ever lie. Our partners pick that up on a unconscious level and they will feel what you’re feeling. Be sure that your intentions and your heart is open to a open and loving discussion.
- A relationship is about both of you, not just about your own challenges. Pay attention to what others are going through and respond with a sincerely caring attitude. Relationships are all about team work. If your partner is going off like a banshee or perhaps feels like he is being cornered, be aware of that. A lot more is going on and those are signs of some hurt, perhaps to a degree insecurity. Your best bet would be to be gentle and kind. It might not be welcomed at that stage but it will be appreciated once the dust has settled.
Emotions play a large part in how we relate to other people. Naturally, we are less interested in being kind to someone we don’t care for. However, if your friends or family members like that person, you might want to take a closer look and re-evaluate. You don’t have to like everyone, but being kind is important. Being kind is free, not a lot of stuff in life is free anymore. Besides — when you smile and you’re kind to someone it absolutely lifts your mood too. Your neural-pathways actively seeks positive instead of negative.
Strengthen Your Relationships With Physical Contact
Mental and emotional connections aren’t the only way to enhance your interactions with others. You can also focus on making your relationships stronger through physical contact.
Boy is this one huge, touch is one of the most important things for survival. New born baby’s die without it, when we hug someone it boosts all the feel good hormones and creates closeness. Relationships where there is hardly touch (not in a sexual way) struggle to stay afloat. There is just so something magical about touch, it just makes a person feel so wanted and accepted. Gently stroking your partners hand, gently touching their neck and shoulders and even touching their face in a soft manner can do so much.
With technology being the way it is, we don’t connect like we used to. We don’t make eye contact, nor do we touch each other anymore. We are glued in front of our pc’s and phones with no contact. How sad is that? No wonder we’re getting angrier and more frustrated. We feel alone and so sad.
Try these actions to enhance your closest relationships:
- Hug, kiss, or touch the people you love. Show them that they matter in your life.
- Do something physical together, like taking a walk or exercising.
- Make crafts or work on projects together so you have something to remind you of the pleasant times you spend together.
Some people aren’t as physically affectionate as others, and that’s fine. It is easy to read when a person isn’t a physical touch person. They will usually be the quiet introverted kind and will usually have a bit of a closed off body language. You can still respect boundaries while reaching out as much as you can. When you focus on what others need from you, instead of only on your own wishes for the relationship, you’ll both enjoy more happiness and fulfillment from the relationship.
A lot of people sabotage their relationships without even meaning to. Avoid thinking that you’re not worthy of the affection of others. Make sure to manage your own insecurities instead of taking them out on people who care for you. When this is the case, I cannot tell you enough how important it is to create a stable relationship with yourself. How important it is that you find help to resolve the reasons for these insecurities and self sabotage. We all deserve happiness, don’t wait on this. I always remind people that there is one investment that will always pay you back and that is the investment of investing in yourself. It keeps giving back and it always evolves. We have to start at our foundations and our foundations is the way we feel and see ourselves. Our Core Identity is the reason for so many screw ups in our lives. Once we change the way we see and feel about ourselves, then life is full of adventure full of surprises and we excel in so many levels.
When people love you and want to be around you, they clearly find value in you. Ask me, my partner choose to be with me and it’s been like that for 11 years — and I choose to be with him too. Through all the thick and thin, sometimes I wonder what he sees in me…but then I realize that it doesn’t matter. All that matters is that he sees me. We all notice things about them that they don’t see, either. Agree to disagree and go on.
Stay focused on the positive in your relationship, instead of the negative.
You and your loved ones will be much happier and feel more secure in your relationships. I CANNOT stress this enough. It’s too easy to forget the good, and to follow the sheep mentality and to measure our relationships up to other peoples. STOP DOING THAT DAMMIT! FOCUS ON YOUR RELATIONSHIP…not someone else’s. Stop listening to outside advice, if you really need help get professional help.
I’m giving you a small challenge today: See how many times you can think of something positive in your relationship. See how many times your mind goes to the good of your partner.
Our minds are pre — programmed to focus on the negative — because being that way actually saved lives when we had huge fluffy kitty’s running down the road chasing us to make us their dinner. A negative and wary attitude kept you alive back then (thank you ancestral memory), the brain simply cannot tell what is the difference between real or imagined. So rather fill your brain with good visuals, because it will give you what you ask for.
To all your Love, Success and Happiness…
Oh before I forget — if you want to add something to your intimate relationship with yourself or your partner…I found this awesome little website thanks to Glamour Magazine 😀 If you are single or if you have a partner, making time for each other is just what you need and this might add something extra in that department, if you know what I mean. WINK WINK
For the article/competition: http://glamour.co.za/2016/12/win-with-glamour-and-little-minx/
The website: www.cheekylittleminx.co.za.
(Please note that I’m in no way affiliated with Cheeky Little Minx, I don’t receive any payment in any kind of way. I’m curious by nature and in my work — I give guidance to couples that want to have meaningful intimacy back into their relationships.)