There are many reasons relationships turn to S&%(T. Mainly it’s thanks to our own inner perceptions, listening styles and attitudes — these are created by the experiences we’ve had in life. So the way we act is the sum total of all our previous experiences and what we had learned from our collective. (throwing in some Borg speak there, yes yes I’m a bit of a nerd) 😉 *Cue Star Trek music*
In the spirit of the February month, the one month everyone has mixed feelings about — I’ve continued on a list to help give folks some ideas as to what they can do to fan the flames of love or to perhaps bring back the spark that went missing all so long ago.
Now what I cover in my blog isn’t always enough to fix that which is bent (some Pink reference there), and this is where I will say — if only ONE partner tries and works towards bettering this relationship — it will go a LONG way in improving things. I can promise you that. So without further blathering…let’s start!
♥ Regain the Spark by embracing your partners faults.
Starting out in life, society and media sends out these very warped ideas about romantic love — they are totally unrealistic and they play a role in sabotaging the path to a healthy relationship. (Thank you Happily ever after B.S) We are continually bombarded with the image of one true love that can heal and fix and make all our dreams come true. (Here I shall throw Disney under the buss, as well as all those romantic comedies and (re-written fairy tales that were actually repackaged to make money out of) Most “fairy tales” are actually very grim and serve as cautionary tales and the stuff nightmares are made out of. They all create this image that “love” will fix everything and it can heal you as a person.
This cannot be further from the truth. Love should ALWAYS start with yourself first, loving someone and expecting them to heal your hurt is totally unrealistic. I see so many young people that are completely conditioned by this, they believe that their boyfriend or girlfriend will relieve their pain, so they start dating — it feels good for a while, but then they break up and it sucks. Before long a love addiction is born, because the brain will do whatever it can to get some of those chemicals flowing. (That is a story for another day boys and girls.)
We all know this sort of ideal is not an accurate depiction of real — life romance, but that doesn’t change the fact that this vision often permeates our view of how things should be. Now if you’d like to know how to bring back the spark you once had, read on.
♥ Stop Thinking You Have to Fix Your Significant Other
We have a natural reaction to when someone about our partner annoys us…We want to change that thing or fix the problem. *Put in loud buzzer sound here* That is the BIGGEST NO NO that you can ever do. Trying to change someone or something about them, will end up in resentment and a lot of hurt feelings. It’s difficult to come back from something like that. If you feel annoyed, take some time to assess the reasons for your annoyance. Perhaps write down why you might feel the way you do and then consider each one to determine to which one your intuition most relates.
Once you’ve figured it out, set some time aside with your partner and discuss the offending issue with them — this is not the time to accuse them or to become critical.
♥ Be Realistic in Your Expectations
Yes, you know that real life isn’t like it is in the movies. That doesn’t stop you from being hurt when your significant other fails to acknowledge your feelings or from being miffed when your other half forgets to complete the task that was promised. However, putting these kinds of things into perspective can help you decide if they’re simply human slip-ups or deeper character flaws that should be addressed. If your partner isn’t habitually neglectful or unreliable, it’s healthier to cut him/her some slack.
♥ Appreciate the Wonderful Stuff
Yes yes, it may seem cliché, but it does work — focus on your partner’s best qualities. It will create more positive feelings the moment you feel you’re becoming overly critical. We tend to forget why we fell in love with this person, but this is why it’s so important to remind yourself of the “why”. This will create more gratitude and it goes a long way to create a healthier outlook. It’s normal for things to stagnate and for couples to become disillusioned after being together for a long time — good news is, it doesn’t have to stay that way.
♥ Make Time for Romance
I would like to challenge you today to remove the word “TRY” from your vocabulary. You want to know why? Because it gives you an out. It gives you a reason to fail and it’s a bloody excuse for which I have NO %)#)@^$*ing time. Seriously! I mean it. Think about this for a moment, every time you said to someone “I’ll try be there”, did you go? I doubt it.
So now I want you to really DO your best to create time for romance, do your best to prioritize it. In our world today everything else seems to be more important than making time for romance — how crappy is that? The people we love most and the people that mean the most to us fall way down on the priorities list. By things turning crappy, we will be inundated with even more stress. The heap of stuff that is making us feel overwhelmed and stressed out increases only more. So what if you could take one thing off that list that could make your stress less?
You see where I’m going with that? By putting our romance at the top of the list, we don’t risk any negative ramifications. In turn our stress level’s won’t rise and we won’t feel overwhelmed, which will then cause some other things to go wrong…domino effect.
♥ Start Small
For many couples this is new, so if you’re not used to it — take small steps. Sit down and brainstorm with your mate about ways you can spend just a short period of time together perhaps each day or a few times a week. Perhaps something like 20 minutes after the kids go to bed or a quick phone call during a common quiet period during your days could be easier to arrange than you thought.
Not long, and you’ll notice this habit becomes routine and so much easier to prioritize.
♥ Do Some Creative Rearranging
Being flexible so that you can move things around a little in your schedule to afford you both time together will turn out to be a worthy exercise. Challenge yourselves to be creative in your rearranging and you’ll soon have a handful of ideas.
One example is: cook food for the kids that they will like, when they have gone to bed and once they are in bed you can order delivery of a meal you both like. You’ll soon realize the impact of having an uninterrupted meal for two.
♥ Find Common Fun
Those that play together, stay together. 🙂 Okay not always but mostly. I’ve seen my couples that have chosen to do a activity like a hobby together regularly grow together. Doing something together will add to your enjoyment, fun and it will give you memories that will remind you of how happy you truly are for ages to come. It also adds to your self-growth.
♥ Go Big
After incorporating some small changes into your lives in order to gain more togetherness, you may find that you’re ready to think a bit bigger. Add an adventure to spice things up and bring you together. This may take some planning and sacrifice, but it will almost always be worth it. Think of a major adventure you each have wanted to try and then figure out how to make it happen, if money is a problem — then start a savings fund or crowdfund it.
You can look at Sky diving, a vacation to a long-dreamed about destination or a hot air balloon ride are some ideas to get your juices flowing. Making your big plan a reality adds another memorable experience to your repertoire and reinforces the importance of making time for each other.
Use these suggestions to spark some ideas of your own that will fit your personalities and lifestyle. Even the smallest effort is a start toward solidifying your connection.
To your Love, Happiness and Success