Did You know that You are addicted to Your trauma cycles?
I explain how Your neuro-chemistry is actually the reason why You’re struggling and constantly stuck in illness and perpetual negative states.
Myself and my peers find that there are so many people that have been conditioned to get stuck in their issues. And it is time to address the addiction process we have towards our emotional states.
Core Identities plays a huge role in how we hold onto our challenges. And Sexual Dysfunction disorders and Relationship Cycles are no different.
Working in this world of Vaginismus, Erectile Dysfunction, Penetration anxiety, relationships and a whole heap of other various issues is simply – never boring. But very interesting, especially if You’re an avid learner such as myself in the human psyche and our conditions.
I delve into the studies of psychology and neuroscience along with topics such as addictions to perpetuating trauma and trauma cycles.
I struggled in my life with sexual and relationship issues, so fully understand the effects of negative emotional addictions really well. I am also free from those issues thanks to working with my own Unconscious mind, and working with the ANS (Autonomic Nervous System of which the Unconscious Mind has full control over). That is however for another article.
Bear with me, I will do my best to make this understandable as to how we are addicted and also the engineers of our own suffering.
I am met with disbelief when I explain to many how their condition is basically created by themselves. You see, as much as people are working towards proving the link of the Psyche and the body, there is still a large body of people out there that consider it as “crap”, and this was told to me in a PMDD group earlier this year.
And I sat in disbelief, but at the same time also understanding this person’s anger that their PMDD was linked to their psyche, and that they also don’t understand how their challenge could be healed by simply working with the Unconscious Mind, it became evident to me how deeply humans identify with their challenges and how most are simply not educated enough on the brain body connections.
Also, nobody wants to be called or seen or thought off as “crazy”; and for many they are left angry at the fact that there are powerful and simple answers to their problems, than what they were first led to believe.
And on top of that, in this world that we live in; there is still a lot of stigma around mental health. Our body language and the way we react to other’s really do a good job in creating that feeling of not being safe when You have a mental health issue. So anytime a physical illness is linked to neurosis, the upheaval and anger, is completely understandable.
At the same time, I’d like You to reconsider and start educating Yourself on these matters. Because, in the time I’ve been doing this work, I have had clients who had Primary vaginismus experience intercourse without the pain after one session. Clients with Erectile Failure, regain their erections in 1 or 2 sessions. Clients that had issues with menopausal symptoms and libidic issues, all reclaim their sexual abilities in 1 or 2 sessions and so much more. Anything is possible. But there are a few things that need to be looked at first.
I have worked with clients under the care of their physicians for all kinds of difficult conditions to do with Sexual issues, and have left many of the doctors perplexed but now believers of how the mind can really bring deep and lasting healing if You work with it the right way to let go of the offending issue.
Coming back to the addiction of our diseases and emotions.
When we’re in such heavy cycles of trauma and we’re in the fight flight freeze responses we are in a need to keep creating upheaval. We crave it, much like an addict craves their next fix. And that is why so many people are stuck in their core identities, they cannot see past their disease and will fight tooth and nail to not let it go – they are in short addicted to the chemicals created by being negative.
Until something gives. Until there is a catalyst for their healing. Someone says or does something that makes them really look at their life in the deepest most profound of manner, they will remain there perpetuating the cycles of illness, anxiety, sexual dysfunction and so on. It’s called the Black Night of the Soul… or hitting ROCK BOTTOM.
Only when You hit rock bottom, when there is nothing else, when You are at the point of losing it all – only when You’ve suffered enough, will You either give over, or will You dig deep inside of You and find a way to resolve Your issue, Your addiction to Your affliction.
It takes a ton of strength to finally call for the Guide that will help You out of Your grave into Your empire. Much like Frodo and Gandalf. Gandalf was his guide, and Frodo the hero on his Hero’s journey.
So coming back to what we were talking about – I regularly speak out against the Facebook support groups purely because “Misery loves company”, and it’s entirely a truth.
The moment You offer a solution there is a big out cry of anger and underneath all of that lays the foundation of fear. “WHAT WILL I BE WHEN I DON’T HAVE VAGINISMUS, ANXIETY, WIDOW STATUS, ERECTILE FAILURE, (and insert the any other issue that You can think of). You can see in those reactions their deep addiction for their issue. A response tells a million stories, and we are trained to read between the lines.
It’s easier for most to remain in the hole until there is a threat of being completely alone, or losing a partner. Even then I can argue that most people have a program of self sabotage running deeply within their psyche which is causing them to sabotage their relationships because there my be any underlying driver of guilt, shame and resentment that hasn’t been released. And there is a survival mechanism connected to that – The addiction to their guilt, shame and resentment.
The admins of the support groups jump on You with the front of “Protecting my group” from people like “You”.
Which in itself makes me wonder how much they are not understanding how they are perpetuating the addiction to being broken. It has become fashionable to be broken, to suffer. And when I say that, I am considered cold for that observation. It is simply a truth. I don’t say let’s bypass our issues, no but there are healthier ways to approach the challenges we face.
They (the admins) mean well, but they are enabling more than they realize. We are each responsible for our healing. Nobody is responsible for us.
So, coming back again to the addiction of negative and trauma cycles. It’s something that is being written about more and more. And when I underwent my Addictions Specialism training, it was explained really well to us. And for that part I sat up straight because it would help me completely understand why most people would react so negatively to someone that could offer them a proper solution to their issue once and for all.
Well, these trauma cycles, these negative emotion addictions activate the reward centers in the brain, causing You to become addicted to Your trauma and Your negative emotions. Addicted to the dark pits of despair and not having a “Way out”, even when the solutions where right in Your face.
It also explains why people keep sabotaging their relationships and why people keep hurting themselves by financially tanking themselves, burning out and self harming in various ways. Many times there is also the deep driver of attention seeking, whether it’s negative or positive. Attention of any kind is attention.
In addiction to drugs and alcohol, most people understand that Beta – endorphins or dopamine creates a self – reinforcing addictive circuit in the brain. Pain (as in physical pain) and negative emotions for example such as; anger, guilt, shame, self – pity, calling Yourself useless, ugly bad and so on, also activate these same pathways in the brain. It turns out, that something like “I am useless and ugly”, lights up the same pathways just like alcohol or drugs do.
Okay – so Maryke tell me How the hell beta-endorphins play a role in the addiction. Do you know that they are incredibly powerful analgesics? Okay so the runners and extreme sport guys will back me up here. They get runners high, and that is a magnificent feeling for them. They will experience this high and it is what keeps them going forward – then when they get home ahem. They will tell You the come down is pretty harsh. They all of a sudden then know all about their sore muscles or areas where they had injured themselves.
So let’s talk a bit about Dopamine… simply a very powerful neuro – chemical. Dopamine pathways are responsible for activating of the “drive states”, they are necessary for You to survive. I.e RUN or FIGHT or FAINT? They also help You to move TOWARDS something that will help You survive or experience Pleasure. So they drive You TOWARDS food, or sex, passing on off Your genes for the survival of Your bloodline etc.
We also have Cortisol and it’s the stress hormone that runs the show. It mediates our dopamine release. When You’re faced with stress or stressful situations, or You’re in danger – your brain releases dopamine.
So let me put this into more perspective for you. Let’s take You back to the plains of Africa where You were hunting for Your food, and You were also being hunted as food by a very hungry pride of very big kitty cats with claws and teeth that could cut you to shreds in a moment.
Your Fight Flight response would come online, You would calculate whether You should run, play dead or fight for Your life. In order for You to run or fight analgesics would be released in the body so that You could run without pain, so even when you fell and broke something it would be forgotten in favour of You getting up and running Yourself silly towards safety. You need to be distracted from the pain in order for You to make it safely to a space where the kitty cat and her pride couldn’t get to You. So there is a reward aspect connected to this experience. Pain whether physical or emotions is actually a reward. Yikes.
So very simply put; negative emotions actually tap into and draw from the same ancient survival mechanisms to get access to the reward circuits that puts us on a high.
This really puts into perspective as to why people continuously choose partners that are unhealthy for them, as well as why women and men of abuse return to their abuser over and over again.
This also puts into perspective on why we keep messing up our ability to be abundant, or to thrive. This also points towards why You’re constantly choosing friendships or situations that are unhealthy for You on all levels. Why You keep feeling attracted to clients or friends, customers or situations that constantly cause You to feel bad.
You are perpetuating Your suffering because of an ancient survival mechanism that taps into rewarding You for when you bring Yourself into a space of negativity.
I want to just be clear on something here. I am in no way referring to bypassing emotions at all. Having anger, sadness and so on is really so normal for us. It is when we hang onto them constantly that they become a problem or when we repress them, that they become problematic.
You have to come to a space of where You can process Your emotions, and allow them to do their job and then move on from them. You can refer to it as “normal processing”, so they don’t push You over the edge into unhealthy addictive behaviour.
So how the hell do You actually start to counteract this?
- By educating Yourself and being conscious and present of when you perpetuate the patterns of self – destruction & addiction
- Finding someone that can help You break down the need for the negative addictive behaviour
- Learning how to discipline Yourself and Your mind. This is a commitment. It is a daily practice.
- Rewiring Your brain with special breath work, meditation, contemplation.
- Don’t try to do this all on Your own. Using the help of someone else can greatly speed up the process
- While working with someone having a proper routine worked out for You to do at home. As I said – this is team work, and this is a commitment. Even when you feel “I DON’T WANT TO DO IT” – it simply means your mind and the addiction is mastering You, You’re not mastering it.
- Get in touch with me when You’re truly ready to work through the addiction. I have a 14 week program that works on rewiring the Neural-pathways to help You move past that need for perpetual negative behaviour, we work on Core Identity as well as the Neural – Pathways in Your brain and the various triggers. You can fill in Your application form here : https://generalschedule.as.me/StrategySession
I want to ask You to answer these questions, this will help You to understand whether You are in an addictive cycle.
- Do You find that You are always perpetuating the same kind of destructive cycle? i.e constantly choosing to be with people that are abusive in some form. Think about family, friends as well. It’s not just limited to love partners.
- Do You find Yourself always choosing people that You “want to fix”? They are a project for You.
- Do you find that the friends that You have tend to be negative, or self – destructive?
- Do You find that everything is exhausting You, You’re constantly tired, scared, anxious?
- Do You suffer from illness a lot?
- Do You find that You’re always the lightning rod in Your family or for Your friends? They constantly come to You for advise when things go bad or wrong for them?
- Are you overly critical of people, situations or places?
- Are You in victim mode? i.e “Why does this always happen to me?” “Why can’t I find happiness?” Why am I so unloveable?” “Why can’t I find anyone to love me, every single guy/girl I meet turns into an abuser”, “All men/women are ______”, “Everything I do always turns out bad”, “People are assholes” etc. etc. Those are all examples of Victim speak.
- Are You the type of person that has anger issues, especially when things don’t go well for You?
- Does positive and happy people annoy You?
- Are all Your friends in cycles of drama and negativity? And if You were to not be with them, would You end up being alone?
Yes to at least 4 of the above questions is a sure sign of addiction to negativity.
I hope this article have helped You to better understand Yourself or a loved one’s behaviour. Sometimes understanding why You’re doing something is enough to help You move into the right direction of healing.
To Your Freedom