Breaking the destructive patterns

So, You’re on the market again, after the last relationship ended yet in another disaster.

Here’s the thing about relationships… They don’t just happen. ALL relationships even with Yourself requires that You put in time and effort to make them work.

It’s the same as maintaining Your job. You can’t just get hired, sit on your arse all day long and do something that isn’t job related. Very shortly Your department will struggle because You’re not pulling Your weight. And very shortly the problem will be sourced to You. The one doing nothing at all.

And it’s the same with every single relationship. You must feed it. You must nurture it and You must put in effort. In this day and age, it’s become clear that We as humans are totally opposed to working at something. And by working I’m not meaning working yourself to the bone doing everything while Your partner does nothing.

You see this is team effort.

So, both of you (as well as Your friends, cousins, aunts and uncles or whoever You’re having personal relationships with) are responsible. But coming back to being single and wanting happy relationships.

You see we learn how “TO RELATIONSHIP” from those that raise us.

This means we soak up the bad relationship advice from our parents and whoever we see on a regular basis, what happens is that the brain is a pattern recognition matrix, and it means that whatever it sees it associates and files away as appropriate behaviour. That’s why the stupid “Oh honey, he was biting You because He likes You” crap gets perpetuated and thereby we learn from young that a man is supposed to hurt You.

And what happens next is that the brain has this function called Destructive Security which means that we’ll constantly go back to what we know – whether it’s safe or not.

And therefore, so many people end up in bad relationships or are incapable of escaping a bad relationship; and as well as why we perpetuate the “parent – child – victim” cycle even long after we are grown up and adults.

Even though they (care givers) can’t hurt us any longer we end up holding onto the past without realizing it.  The brain always goes towards safety and pleasure. And in some twisted way, emotional pain then causes an emotional addiction. Those emotional addictions are just as destructive as addictions to food, alcohol, porn, sex addictions and drugs.  

Very few people realize that “drama” or “stress cycles” is very addictive. But the tell-tale signs are huge.

For example, let’s say You have a Psychophysiological (Pain or illness due to Psychogical problems (issue like some form of back pain), many times people refuse to believe that it’s fixable or that you can at the very least bring relief to it. Because when they go into their stress cycle and the pain acts up, it gives them something. Attention.

Whether it’s negative or positive they benefit from it, the thing is the cycle keeps being perpetuated and will only break once You decide to break it. There’s an influx of hormones and neurotransmitters that gives this person their next “fix”. So, staying in victim mode or overwhelm is many times just easier or more comforting.

They aren’t necessarily conscious of this though. It’s very much an automatic reaction.  

Does it mean though that these states of mind of fear and pain is necessarily a very bad thing? No, not entirely. I believe that with every bit of pain we go through, no matter what it is. It is a true calling for us to heal and to grow.

And this is what I think we are here for on this planet. To do exactly that, to heal the past so the future is bright. To break the ancestral lineages that has been keeping us hostage for so long. The thing is thought, you must come to a space of consciousness. Where You are willing to let this go so that You can heal deeply and in turn heal the entire ancestry line from the past to the future.

Coming back to relationships and patterns, it’s important for You to see these truths so that You can start a journey (yes, it is a journey) of healing.

Once You start to heal these destructive security patterns, you start to look for partnerships that are healthy and meaningful. Because let’s face it. Every single partnership and relationship no matter how abusive or painful was meaningful, not in a positive way maybe – unless it forced you to start to heal the destructive security patterns, then it’s meaningful.  But because You were called to heal and to bring Yourself into alignment.

But, now it’s time that You’re able to find meaningful and healthy partnerships and relationships. No longer the victim or perpetrator.



Your Resident Orgasmic Pleasure Queen

Reflection Time

Use the below and reflect on Your life. I find that when we reflect on things that we start to become more conscious. And we can all do with becoming a bit more aware.

I am a magnet for meaningful relationships.

People are attracted to me because I am a strong and independent individual with a healthy self-esteem. When I am comfortable with the person I am, I allow others to feel at ease around me.

I have realistic expectations of my friends and myself. I accept others just the way they are, without judgment. In order to have meaningful friendships, I must first be a good friend myself. Then, in return, others respect me and accept me for who I am.

My positive attitude makes me a pleasure to be around. I guard my speech to ensure that it is free from judgment and negativity, and full of laughter. Time spent with me is refreshing and peaceful.

My friends talk to me about things of substance because they know I am trustworthy. I treat my relationships like a flower, nurturing them and giving them time to blossom.

I cultivate my friendships by seeking out my friends through phone calls and invitations to connect. Spending quality time together draws us closer and reaffirms our bonds.

I deserve to have meaningful relationships and enjoy the company of others. My friends and I need each other to share gifts and talents that are unique to each one of us. Meaningful relationships are a balance of give and take.

Today, I chose to strengthen my relationships by wrapping myself in positivity and practicing acceptance. I am confident in the person I am and I attract others by expressing my true heart.

I no longer feel the need to perpetuate unhealthy relationship cycles, I love and accept myself and give myself the nurturing, healing and self love that enables me to be attracted healthy, caring and compassionate people that treats me with respect.

Self-Reflection Questions:

1. Do I have realistic expectations of others and myself?

2. What can I do to seek out new friends or reconnect with old pals?

3. Who is one of my most meaningful friends?

4. Do I become aware of when I go into “stress cycles” and end up blaming my parents  or caregivers?

5. Do I still “suffer” my “victim story” through constantly posting about it on social groups and looking for attention, validation and acceptance from strangers?

6. For today, Can I choose how I want to be, feel and act?

7. For today, Can I choose to be empowered?